A Cup Of Kindness

Some of the nastiest and most vile people that I've meet are people who call themselves Christians. They become so passionate they loose their passion for others--the fruit of the spirit is no longer visible, they've become Pharisee's! In their mind they're doing what we as followers of Christ are called to do--doing the work of an evangelist, fulfilling our ministry as stated in 2 Timothy 4:5, but in the process they've made it an us versus them mindset, a war if you will. And we all know that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)
It's all in your presentation! One particular blogger that I use to read and follow on twitter, as well as listen to their podcast, comes to mind. It is my belief that this person started out on the right track, but this individuals passion became his stumbling block, and now sounds more like an unloving, spiteful, hateful religious Pharisee. Though he/she may speak the truth, it's lost in the name calling of those who are unbelievers as well as though who have strayed from the truth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we don't take a stand, we are to persevere in correcting our opponents because it is imperative that they should know the truth, even though they might oppose the truth at present. There is a balance--but so many are tipping the scales.

Looking at 2 Timothy 2:24-26 "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."

Sin must be confronted, but our speech must always be seasoned with salt! And no, that does not mean sitting along side the world holding hands and singing kumbaya. Joel Osteen comes to mind. He is a prime example of what NOT to do and is the perfect example of a false prophet in action, telling people what they want to hear, caring more about the praise of men! He is not alone in this category, there are many well-known preachers who preach a different gospel. There are many more who are preaching the truth without compromise, stating the truth in love, always standing on the word and never wavering. Many people have made Jesus in their own image, but we are to reflect the true image of Christ in word and deed. How much could be accomplished if people would just give a little cup of kindness!

James 3:6-12 " And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

Got Jesus?

One of my Facebook friends posted the following on their page the other day: Sometimes inviting someone to church can blow up in your face but don't let it get you down. They rejected Jesus too.

There is a misconception out there about those who don't attend institutional churches. For some reason people believe that institutional churches are the bar--and those who don't attend are really lacking in Jesus. They are on a mission to invite people to their show, I mean church to hear about Jesus, to experience the latest and greatest contemporary worship songs ever written--to have an experience--an encounter with Jesus. Is it about rejecting Jesus, or is it something deeper than that. Is anyone willing to go deeper to find out, or is it easier to dismiss it as a mere dislike for all things Jesus. Declining a church invitation does not equal rejecting Jesus. Like parents to children, , Christians are to be imitators of God as dear children. And being honest, these days there are many Christians who are seriously lacking and are acting more like carnal/casual "Christians". If you follow Christ then act like it. If you claim Him, live like it. The only person your fooling is yourself. Me and my husband haven't attended a church regularly for over a year now. I'm seriously tired of the "now your not suppose to forsake the assembling" comments, and the raised eyebrows. How arrogant and ignorant of the word folks are these days.

It's not our invitations to church, it's the way we live. John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for on another." Technically speaking, the "Church" is not for the unsaved but for the saved! The church is for follower's of Christ to come together, fellowship, worship, share, as brothers and sisters in Christ, who is the head of the Church. And might I add that the Church is His people. 1 Corinthians 3:16 "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?"

In case you've missed it, there is a great movement taking place these days. People like my family are leaving the "church" in droves, not because we don't have Jesus, or faith, we've left because for the most part, more than half of the churches kicked Jesus out a long time ago. We are just the few who knew when he left and followed.

Truth

Just One Of Those Days

I wrote this blog post 3 years ago. It is still fitting to this day. Enjoy!

The Proverbs 31 woman evades me. She is a ghost eluding capture within the pages of God's word on some days.

"She seeks wool, and flax and works willingly with her hands."

I seek peace and quiet when I get home from work and look forward to bed time.

"She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong."

I dress myself in modern day mu mu's for comfort, all while apologizing to my husband.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."

I scream, holler, and threaten exile to their bedroom for the remainder of the evening.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed."

My children rise up and call me mean mommy.

Maybe I'll be whisked away in a supernatural (God ordained) tornado to a land flowing with free facials, massages, and 100% cotton robes complete with fuzzy slippers. And when its time to return home I'll click my heels together 3 times while repeating, "there's no place like home."

This is what I've become ( I state to myself in frustration)----a haggard wife & mother who spends her days taming her children with a sharp tongue, washing laundry at every minute and trying to answer the question why boys can't aim and hit the toilet (that includes grown men). All this while trying to keep the little sanity I have left and convincingly trying to hide my need for Prozac and xanax.

At the end of the day, when the children are in bed (2 hours past their bedtime) and I'm finally left alone for a moment of peace I can't imagine my life being anything else. God never said the Proverbs 31 woman had it easy. He never said she wasn't like me and had 'one of those days", but He did say "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." And I'm laughing all the way to my knees in prayer!

Putting Things In Perspective

I read something today that sparked a fire of outrage inside of me. It's the one thing that America has plenty of, it's the one thing that many take so much pride in that they can't see as far as the building their sitting in. If you guessed another mega church--you are correct. It seems that another church is planning the construction of another mega-church that will cost 35 million dollars! First Presbyterian Church of Colorado is building a "church" that will house a cafe, bookstore, library, childcare area, oh and let's not forget the sanctuary. This truly grieves my heart, breaks it into a million pieces really. The picture to the left really puts things in perspective doesn't it? Do you find it hard to look at the children--bones easily visible through their skin. Does it bother you to know that tomorrow, if they see tomorrow they will awake to the horror of another day without the basic necessities of food, water, shelter, or clothing? All while people pour millions of dollars into their magnificent buildings--their treasures here on earth that will burn, rust, and succumb to the elements. It bothers me, it grieves me, it saddens me, and it angers me! Will you think of these children, and other's all over the world who face these same bleak conditions when you get dressed in the morning jump in your car, enter your building that is as grand as a hotel lobby. Will you think of the least of these as you sit in your cafe, browse the bookstore, sip on your coffee, eat your pastries, and marvel at the beauty of the building that pride built? Will you think of them as you enter the grandeur of the sanctuary, sit in the plush seats, and try your best to be closet to the stage, listen to the newest worship songs, lift your hands in awe and wonder? As you look around at the huge TV screens, lighting, and admire the show, admire what man built--will you see the faces of those you really could have served? Sad to say most won't. Some call it church growth--I call it the pride and selfishness of man at its greatest. If I am grieved, I know that Jesus weeps!

The Truth Shall Set You Free

"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." Does this quote sound familiar to you? Through out my life--especially in church I've heard this quoted, more times than I can count. Since the institutional church is suppose to be real big on the truth--I wonder why there are far more churches turning their backs on the truth then those teaching it. We've been inundated with a false Gospel for so long half of the church folk wouldn't know the truth if the truth smacked "em up side the head--Maybe if the pastor said "Now turn to your neighbor and slap 'em upside the head and say the truth is here--are you listening." Sorry, couldn't resist that one. If most of these seeker driver churches were actually teaching the Biblical truth we certainly wouldn't see the spreading of humanism growing in the church at such a rapid pace that those who are leaving these churches do so for their spiritual health. The truth: most folks can't handle the truth--that's why they entertain _______ (fill in the blank).

Question: If it's for freedom that Christ has set us free--why are so many self-proclaiming Christians still in bondage? Some don't even know it-but they are-- nonetheless.

John 8:31 "Then Jesus said to those Jews, who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." They answered Him, " We are Abraham's descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can you say, "You will be made free?" Jesus answered them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."

Several things struck me as I read Jesus' words and the replies from the Pharisees. In order to know the truth you must abide in Him and His word. Not the words of the pastor, or Bethel A.M.E. Zion Church, what the deacon/first lady says. How are you going to be truly set free if you don't know the truth? Yet, so many faithfully take everyone else's words as the pure unadulterated Gospel, never searching the scriptures and testing the spirits they encounter, always hearing the truth but never coming into full knowledge and freedom.

The reply of the Pharisees resound like many church folk today. The Pharisees objection--denial about their true condition is startling, considering that in the past the Israelites had been in bondage to the Egyptians, the Assyrians, and the Babylonia's. And at this particular time, Israel was under the power of Rome. In their arrogance, and ignorance they believed that religion could save them, especially when they themselves could not keep the law. They had no idea that Jesus was referring to spiritual slavery, which no man/woman has the power to break away from--He must have someone else set him free (Romans 8:3-4). They may have been physical heirs of Abraham, but they were not his spiritual descendants unless they had faith. In the futility of their minds, they could never grasp that--they heard the word but did not believe it, therefore they could not experience or know the truth--which is true freedom.

Please hear me--the truth is not based on our opinions, our views, and our feelings! This is one of the biggest problems within the body of Christ. The word of God is the only truth. I can't tell you how many times I see Christians give their opinions about sin by their own feelings and views--never taking it to Biblical authority, the same authority they claim to live their lives by. When I, you, or anyone else sees fit to dismiss this--we've become little more than Pharisees ourselves purposing and injecting our views all while placing Jesus at the bottom and ourselves at the top--which is a dangerous place to be. The man/woman of God who abides in the Word of God knows the truth and its there that freedom from the bondage of sin is. There is no other place for which true freedom exists!

Jesus said in Luke 4:18-19

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at

liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”

Living In A Babylonian Culture

It is my firm belief that many institutional churches are not preparing and have not prepared the younger generation how to live in this Babylonian culture that we are living in. I'd go so far as to say they haven't prepared anyone. Now more than ever, we see a watered down gospel that caters to our wants rather than our needs, it's all about the numbers--the numbers draw the money. Living in the society that we live in, where the days are growing more wicked, people are growing more cold, and the world is loving less, too many pastors are obsessed with looking good and making you feel good. I'm telling you God is not pleased with those who call themselves the bride of Christ. Out of all the "Christian" television networks on today, I've not seen one that has any substance. Last night I caught TD Jakes preaching his watered down version of the gospel. He stated and I quote "The word of God is His sperm". Really! And all these folks could do was hoop, holler, jump up in down in agreement. Can't say that I was surprised though. Disgusted, I flipped the channel. Where are the Daniels, Hananiah's, Mishael's, & Azariah's of this age. (And they are out there) I'll tell you where they're not---on any so called christian programming show. I've been studying the book of Daniel--the Lord impressed it upon me to study and really look at these men of God. Here are a few points that I walked away with:

• Daniel and company were brought from their land into captivity to Babylon. They were good looking, smart, able to learn, and chosen for those reasons to serve under the king. (Chapter 1)
• The four men were stripped of their names and given names that the King chose, taught them their language and their culture in an attempt to make them take on the identity of Babylon.
  
• Though these men were brought into the land of Babylon by captivity, they resolved to not defile themselves by partaking in any of the indulges' that the King offered--in food or wine.
• They Loved God above all else and served Him only, fully trusting and believing Him.
• They submitted to the King--but when it required going against God, they refused--holding fast to their identity in God. They knew who their provider was and was faithful--even in the face of death.
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This for me paints the picture of what the Narrow Way is. It's not conforming, or compromising. The Narrow way demands our complete obedience to God, Christ, and the Word. If we are not grounded we will certainly walk or be lead into a ditch. It's not about fuzzy feelings, following after the next big move of God or the next big so called Prophet that prophesies lies. There is no doubt about it, you will face the furnace......the question is will you be willing to trust in Christ and take a stand. Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego lived in a Babylonian culture just as we do now, the difference between these men & the majority of so called Christ follower's...they knew the difference between the wide gate and the narrow one.

What's High On Your List

I'm standing in the front of the classroom on this one, raising my hand high, my top ten list use to have Jesus at the bottom. Of course, I didn't realize that--because in my own mind I felt like I had Him at the top of the list. One of my complaints was--I never really have enough of time to incorporate any Bible Study in my time through out the week, or prayer time for that matter. I'd say "Lord, if only I had enough hours in the day to do all the things that I needed to do." Folks can I be honest here. Truth: We all have enough time in the day to devout ourselves to stopping and putting God first in every aspect of our lives. We have enough hours in a day, we have enough time even in our most hectic and chaotic days--it's all a matter of making choices, and wisely doing so. Simply giving God Sunday, and Wednesday Bible Study is not having a relationship with Him at all. Can you truly learn and have a relationship with anyone while devoting 1-2 days a week (if that) to building that relationship? The problem that many followers of Christ have is truly assessing our priorities and being honest with ourselves. Putting God at the bottom of the list puts everything else ahead of Him and that leaves us vulnerable. Then that's when we wonder "God where are you?" Hear me when I say this people--THERE IS A STORM COMING AND ONLY THOSE WHO ARE PREPARED WILL ENDURE IT! The only way to prepare is to study and immerse ourselves in His word and Prayer. Have you checked your list lately?

Can You See The Handwriting On The Wall?

Much of the world, along with many people in the body of Christ are living in denial. Even in the wake of all the tragedies, natural & man made disasters that are and have taken place, there still exists an "it ain't true" mindset--everything is good and we'll pull through. The refusal to see the state of where we truly are will leave many caught off guard. The writing on the wall is so evident, so clear, I'm left scratching my head at how others still cry peace, peace---we just want peace. They say we need to coexist, we need to all get along--we serve the same God--for the sake of peace let us reason together and come to a clear understanding so that peace may reign. They are blind, deaf, and spiritually dead, having a form of godliness but denying God all together. Wake up-wake up you who slumber, the Master is at the door and He's closer than you think---than you want to believe. Now begins the beginning of the end. You have heaped up false teachers to tickle your ears, you have forsaken the narrow way and have chosen to enter by the wide gate! You lead the sheep astray, heaping up for yourselves treasures that will rust, and be melted away. You have no desire but to satisfy the desires of the flesh, you who call good evil and evil good. No more will your prayers be heard--no more will He incline His ear to hear you--now begins judgment. But those who are His know the time is near, those who have been called by Him know his voice and are sounding the trumpet. Those who are His have told you time and time again to repent! But you refuse--you say in your heart--time has gone on and will continue to do so---but you are wrong. There is coming a day when all will stand before the throne of judgment. Get your house in order, fall upon your face in prayer, fasting, seeking Christ for no one comes to the Father but through Him--the one and only son of God--He is Christ--Him crucified for the sins of the world. Can you not see the writing on the wall?

Welcome To The Show....We Call Church

These days churches are looking more and more like a circus act that you might find in Vegas. In order to be relevant in this culture, many people believe we must take a cue from the world. Pastors are going for the dramatic--you gotta look like the world to draw 'em mentality. When I hear the words, epic, life changing, radical in association to any church a shiver goes down my spine--(I avoid such churches). These are the same people who've coined the phrase "Jesus was a rebel", which gives them the green light & justification for shallow, man centered, theatrical, circus like shenanigans. My question is--was Jesus truly a rebel (our definition of rebel)? In order to answer that question, let's look at a few truths about who Jesus was & still is:

• Jesus called out the Pharisees--those who had a form of godliness, but denied Him--they honored God with their lips, but their hearts were far from Him..they were the religious.
• He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. Isiah 53:2
• He reached out to the "least of these"--the outcasts--rejected. He loved them, broke bread with them--but was never influenced by them---He influenced them.
• He demanded repentance--he demanded that we deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Him. Sadly, many couldn't do that--because they loved the world too much.
• Jesus never once compromised Himself to be relevant to the world-- He never took on the identity of the world, he demanded that we take on His identity.
• He called sinners to repentance--for the Kingdom of God is at hand.

Acts 2:42-47 "42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common.45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

In summary: The profession of their faith was in their actions, their devotion, their love for Christ, so much so that people were drawn to them--not by theatrics and pony shows--but by them actually walking the walk.

John 13:35 Jesus says:

³⁴ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. ³⁵ By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

None of the Apostles drew anything from the world--They looked nothing like the world. People are craving the truth--their tiered of the dog and pony shows--religious self seeking hypocrites who serve no other purpose than to tear the body of Christ apart, the people of God are tiered of the religious looking the part and not acting the part, the people of God are tiered of seeker sensitive churches and pastors, who are still on milk and not solid food. Tricks are for kids!

Can You Spot The Differences?

Who doesn't like a good puzzle every now and then. I don't fancy myself a great mind in such things. However, I do enjoy the occasional logic puzzle, which requires more concentration than your typical "spot the difference pictures". As a child I loved those games you'd find in the back of a kid's magazine, or on the back of your cereal box. Even now that I'm an adult, I do enjoy the comparative picture puzzles. One thing is for sure--not all comparative pictures are alike. Some are easier, while others require you to take each object in the picture and break it down in sections. The differences can be slight to very obvious----just like the church. These days its getting harder and harder to actually find an institutional church that is centered on God and not man.

Galatians 1:6-10 "I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and turning to a different gospel--not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."

As you see, there is nothing knew about man...me..centered doctrines. The world will do what its always done --the problem comes ---when the world infiltrates the church,and the church starts taking on the identity of the world & looking more and more like the world and less like Christ, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power. Friendship with the world is enmity against God. My grandmother has a saying: "Honey, not everyone is a child of God." Words of wisdom that I've learned---some the hard way---but learned them. The only way to spot a fake is to compare it to the real thing. Never take what someone says as fact, search it and find out. There's a high price to pay in the end for compromising--I'm not sure many realize how high the price is----it's your soul!

1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit which confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, 3 and every spirit which does not confess Jesus is not of God. This is the spirit of antichrist, of which you heard that it was coming, and now it is in the world already. 4 Little children, you are of God, and have overcome them; for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 5 They are of the world, therefore what they say is of the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are of God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and he who is not of God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

Who Do You Say That I Am?

Children have a way of asking the most thought provoking questions. You know---those that actually require a parent to stop, think, and answer with clarity. The other night, my youngest son, Riley, asked me a question that caused me to stop--ponder. "Mom" he says, eyes wide, staring back at me, "Is Jesus our brother?" "He's closer than a brother". "We'll what does that mean", he asks--squinting his eyes in confusion. "He's our Savior, sent to pay a debt that we ourselves could never pay." After that answer I realized that he was more confused than ever. After much more explaining, he got it. The entire exchange with my son about who Jesus was--and is brought questions to my own mind of how we--people--individuals-- view who He really is versus who we've made Him out to be in our own minds...how we've fashioned Jesus as a mere "relative", one of the guys in the group just like us--made in our own image. We see Jesus in the scriptures reaching out to the untouchables--sitting with sinners--challenging the Pharisees and Sadducee's, He's the one that the religious hated and the "least" of these loved!

What we've done in our churches/seeker sensitive churches to make Jesus cool--more appealing--to those rejected by the religious, church folk (those professing Christ but looking nothing like Him) is paint a picture of a loving, rebellious, going against the grain, tolerate of all sins, man that requires nothing but to love others and treat others with respect--the way everyone wants to be treated.

What people have done in the world to make Jesus cool--more appealing--to those rejected by the religious, church folk--is paint him as tolerate, loving, one of the guys, non-judgmental, caring to all, requiring nothing in return, but accepting of all that we do, because He is the man who made the "least of these" first, and the religious the last!

A friend of mine said it best "Jesus doesn't offer options for people to consider, He issues commands for people to obey." Luke 5:31-32 Jesus makes it clear why he came, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance."

Jesus calls us the way we are, in our sin..where we are, but he calls us to repentance--to turn from our sin. If we profess Christ we must admit that we are sinners, dead in our trespasses in need of a Saviour to rescue us. How have so many missed the mark? How have so many gotten it wrong? It's easy---we love who we think He is--and dismiss who He really is because dying to self is the hardest thing any of us will ever do!

To truly accept Christ means looking yourself in mirror and truly seeing the "you" for who you really are--in need of a huge make-over from the inside. He is the son of God sent to do the Father's will, not ours. Following Christ will cost you. Christ requires change!

In The Name of Love

My name isn't important, but you know who I am. I'm the thief that walked the road to Calvary with Jesus. The thief who was condemned to die upon a cross next to the King of Kings. I'd done my fair share of sinning. I'd chosen a life of crime. Do you know how it feels to walk the road of a condemned man--forced to carry his shame and listen to the jury cry for your death. I know all too well, but I accepted the road that I walked.

Three of us walked to our death that day upon dusty roads made of stone---our crosses heavy, a crushing weight that begs for relief. I didn't know at the time, that this day was no ordinary day. There was a man, Jesus, who seemed to be hated and loved for who he was. Not a thief, murderer, or sinner by any means---He was the son of God.

His only crime was claiming that he was such. He'd been known through out the land. Known for calling all sinners to repent for the kingdom of God was at hand, healing the sick, raising the dead, & that seemed to rile the religious order. So much so they brought him before Pilate and demanded his crucifixion.

He was a man scourged, beaten, whipped, spit upon and mocked. As we moved through the crowd those who loved him followed and wept.

Finally arriving at Calvary's Hill they hung us up on our crosses for the world to see--to look upon the condemned. There at the feet of Jesus they divided his garments and cast lots. They sneered, yelling "He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God."

A sign hung over His head that read THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS. But Jesus, prayed for them saying, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Imagine that--He the condemned praying for those who hated and despised Him. I'd never known or seen such a man as this.

I knew that I deserved my punishment, but this man did not--He did no wrong that required such a punishment. I recognized what those who did not or refused to---Jesus was who He claimed to be and He would live and rule in God's Kingdom. Though I died that day I inherited everlasting life. "Lord, I said, "remember me when You come into your kingdom.

Jesus raised His head, looked upon a sinner--a thief--an outcast, and said "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."

There on that Hill, He bore the sins of the world----all in the name of love!

Footprints in the Sand

I knew something was wrong. Pam abruptly stopped in the middle of performing my regularly scheduled ultrasound and excused herself from the room. "I'll be right back she said, and disappeared through the door. Lying there on the table, gel still warm on my growing belly, I began to pray frantically. My heart beat hard against my chest, anxiety set in and my mind began to race with worry. Richard sat beside me trying to be strong for me, but we both knew something was wrong. There in the dimly lit ultrasound room I waited for what seemed like an eternity, preparing myself for the worst. The door opened, revealing a little light. There was my doctor with a look of sympathy upon his face and we knew then that our baby had died after only 14weeks.

Emptiness, pain, sorrow, darkness, and fear swirled within me raging like a storm set out on a turbulent sea. In the midst I questioned God: Why? Why did this happen? Was there something I did or didn't do? Why had he allowed such an awful thing to happen? And God always answers, even if its not what we want to hear. And God, being who He is, answered me. There in the midst of it all he met me, just He and I--Father to daughter. And it was there that I finally learned what "peace that surpasses all understanding" is. And that even in one of the darkest and bleakest times in my life, He was there---He carried me through--us through. It's knowing that Jesus wept with us and my pain was and is his pain.

There is a purpose for all things. As horrible as it was, God's will and purpose was done. Some may question what in the world good was accomplished through such a tragedy. We'll I'll tell you. No longer do I take my other children for granted. Those little things that used to drive me crazy no longer bother me. Our family is stronger, my marriage is stronger, my relationship with my mother is stronger, and my faith is stronger. No matter what comes my way, I can depend on Jesus. God never left me and He will never forsake me. If not for the love of God and Christ's sacrifice, where would I be.

It's been 2 weeks since we buried our son Ronan Pete Wagner. I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't been hard. I have my moments where I think about him not being able to take his first steps, first day of kindergarten, sibling rivalry, or saying his first words. But I know that he sleeps, and I'll see him again. We grieve, but not as others who grieve, for we know where our hope lies. It is in Christ. I found my way back to Him in it all never really knowing how far I had actually strayed from home until April 8, 2011. It was that day that I bared my soul, laid my head upon upon his lap and told Him just how much I needed Him. He simply replied: "Welcome home Daughter" and placed upon my head a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

And Baby Makes 5

I've not blogged in quite sometime. Truth is, haven't really felt like it. Not since I've found out that I'm pregnant again. Yes, I'm pregnant. Believe me when I say that it was a huge surprise. Me and my husband were not thinking about having any more children. My oldest (daughter) just turned 17 and my youngest is 7. Not to mention how I can hear 40 breathing down the back of my neck. Sure it won't be here for 2 1/2 years, but its knocking loudly nonetheless. However, in spite of the huge surprise and the fact that we were not trying in the first place, we are happy and joyful that we will welcome our 5th child. My life so far has been like an out of body experience. My other pregnancies were never like this, but then again I was in my 20's and now I'm in my late 30's--huge difference.

My get up and go has got up and went. Strange food cravings and constant nausea dictate much of my life right now. Not to mention the dumb comments like "You know what causes that, don't you?" or Thank God that ain't me, I'd kill myself", to which I always reply, with a smile---"God only choses those who are strong." And no one knows how to truly respond to that answer. As HIs Word says Every good and perfect gift comes from the father of lights. I'm looking forward to welcoming our new child in to our family. My due date is Oct 1. But something tells me that I won't make it to Oct, I believe this will be another Sept baby. I'll be getting back on the blogging horse once my nausea wanes, and my get up and go has returned to me. Until then, keep me and child in your prayers for a healthy baby and a safe and drama free birth.