Beyond The Fog

 Sunday, September 28, 2008

I've officially ended my first week of work. It was pretty uneventful. Monday----orientation---Tuesday half a work day and the other half finishing up my training. And then we hit Wednesday. I walked into work Wednesday morning and the first thing that was told to me is "If they see you dressed like that they'll send you home. "They" meaning the powers that be. Apparently me not having my issued uniform shirt on was a problem. Never mind the fact that I had ordered the required shirts 2 weeks before hand and never mind the fact that they came in that day. Was I suppose to walk into work naked? Nope, I was dressed in business casual. Wednesday afternoon I spent my time running around town getting my shirts, Which were not monogrammed with the name of the group that I work for, go home and change and come back to work. It was all too much...way too much to handle. And might I mention that the doctor is out of town at a conference until this Tuesday, so we aren't even seeing any patients. Okay that was my first inclination that this may not be the place for me to work. Second incident......You can't ask for any time off for the first 90 days. Okay, I get it, that I understand....the whole probationary period. However, it got a little sticky when I asked if I could have a couple of hours to take my exit exams at college so that I can graduate and get my diploma and have my transcripts released. The answer to that question was a definite no! At this point I'm just hot under the collar. Can't an exception be made so that I can graduate from college..officially? What's the big deal? All I'm asking is to leave work 30 minutes earlier. I've spent thousands on my education and I do plan to continue it. The one thing all of this has taught me is that people are just as uncaring as they were when I was working. At my current job we push patient care....but have no employee care whatsoever. I know there are no prefect jobs out there. I know that we are all flawed and have our own issues, but some things should just be across the board. Like how about a little empathy, compassion, consideration. I've never been one to tolerate bureaucracy, people in authority on power trips totally turn me off. I like my job, but not necessarily the management , which everyone can say that. So now I'm asking the question, God why am I dealing with this. Why can't I do what I want...my ideal job....the job that I was called to do. I don't want to hear the answer...."this is the job you were meant for, this is what your suppose to do". Right now I can't see beyond the fog, can't see beyond the tree line, can't see what path I'm currently on in my life. It's all so frustrating. I feel like I'm in a place of uncertainty, I'm in the unknown just drifting past time and space...caught in a continual loop of chaos.

My life isn't what it could be at this moment in time. I wish I had some quick resolution, I wish that money grew on trees. I wish that I could see beyond the fog, beyond the tree line to see exactly what path I'm on. And if I'm not on the right one, well Lord give me the wisdom to known, and the courage to change it!

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Breaking the Piggy Bank

 Thursday, September 18, 2008

If I had a piggy bank I can assure you that it would be broken into a thousand tiny pieces right now. More than ever, we are all feeling the crunch. Between the loss of jobs, price of gas going up, and food prices rising, life is definitely getting harder and harder. Bills will always be there and the grind of living becomes more and more. I'm feeling the pressure...reaching the boiling point. How much longer will these conditions last? Hopefully after starting my new job, next Monday, a lot of the pressure will ease off and melt away. One thing that all of this has taught me is that dark days will come, they will hover, and we will stress, but its not the end. Through it all we gather strength. We will push our way through the thorny bushes. We will learn to lean more and more on God than on our own. Sometimes it takes a jolt to wake us up.

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