Hello Fall

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. Deep golden yellow, red, and brown leaves litter the earth. They hang from trees like ornaments at Christmas time. Have you ever just drove through the mountains around this time of the year? The sun is brighter, the air crisper. I marvel at the beauty that God created. Endless flowing mountains, that etch the skyline with color and such beauty that it literally takes your breath away. I'm looking forward to the days where you have to wear a sweater because its just a bit nippy outside, days where you can sit by a bonfire and toast marsh mellows while having good conversation with friends, and hot chocolate on cool nights. I can see God's hands on everything in this world, I just see it a little more clearly in fall.

Extending Grace

After a weekend of being on my last rope, and the kids being on my last nerve, God in all his glory, gave me one word to mediate on. That word is GRACE! Last night I pulled out my Bible and concordance and dived right in making note of all the scriptures that grace references to. Now, what really got me was a still small voice that stated "Evette you know what grace means, and what it is, but you are not extending grace."

Ouch!!!! All I could do was sink back in the bed and agree. Another eye opening experience for me. Another lesson learned by the gentleness of the Holy Spirit. It is easy to extend grace to others. Yet, my downfall comes when extending grace to my own family. Just when I think that I've gotten over the hump something happens and the hump I thought that I'd gotten over chases me down like a rabid dog chasing the mail man. Now I was asking myself why? Why did I have no problem at all with "others" and had a problem with my own children, and my husband?

Family can easily get on your nerves and push your buttons like no other. Strangers you don't know, have no tie with. Compassion is something that we all have but don't act upon at times. Depending on who it is plays a huge roll. My children know how to push the buttons and send me head first into a storm of fury. However, whatever they do doesn't warrant me from extending grace in any given situation. There were so many things that I could have done differently this past weekend. My emotions don't have to rule over me no matter how frustrated, upset, and stressed that I am. Grace isn't limited to "others". Grace begins in my own home with my family.

He's 6 Today

Today my little boy is 6 years old. I can remember driving to the hospital in pain on the night of September 21, 2001 listening to Briannah say, "look at the moon mommy it's so pretty." I'm sitting in the back seat saying, "please don't talk to mommy right now, she's in too much pain." So much time has passed, and he is growing into a little man....my little man. He's changed from that blond haired, blue eyed, little boy that I gave birth to 6 years ago. He looks different, but yet the same. I'm looking forward to seeing him grow into a man with his own dreams and a family one day. Happy birthday baby, mama loves you!

My Grandmother's Story

Death. This is a word that most of us cringe at when we here it escape the mouth of someone. We don't want to ear it much less think about it. I can remember as a child thinking that my grandparents would live forever. In my mind they were immortal. They would always be there no matter what. However, I lost my father (grandfather) April 2000 of cancer. And I tell you that it wasn't a funeral but a home going celebration. If there ever was a man that walked the walked it was my beloved grandfather. I look back on the past with fond memories, inspiration, and life lessons.

Last week I spent some time with my grandmother. My grandparent’s home was a home for all the homeless grandchildren. Me and my first daughter lived there for a while. It was home, and it still is. As we sat talking my grandmother shared a story with me. A story of death. Her death. The entire conversation began with recalling memories about her beloved husband, my dad, and how she still talks to him today, even though he is not on this earth. She is in her perfect mind and knows full well that she will see him someday.

On this day my grandmother did not just share a brush with death, but a glimpse of heaven. Yes, I said it...she saw heaven. Here is her story that I would like to share with you.

I had just given birth to Lawrence Jr. (her first) It was a hard labor, and an even harder delivery but he was a healthy child. But something happened. I started to bleed and the doctor's couldn't get it under control. Life began to drain from my body and I felt lighter and lighter, and before I knew it I was floating in the air. Then the most beautiful white light I had ever seen seem to envelop me. Not a blinding white light but soft, bright, and beautiful. There was an indescribable peace. My feet touched the most beautiful mountain that I had ever laid my eyes on. Lush green grass surrounded me, flowers everywhere. It was beauty all around me. I started up the mountain to the top. As I walked I stumbled and I felt a hand gently grab me by the elbow to keep me from falling. I never saw the hand but I knew wit was Jesus. Just when I reached the top of the mountain I started floating...floating....back into my body. The doctor's had brought me back. Yes, I know God is real, I know heaven is real and I'll be going home one day to be with Jesus!

I'm welling up right now as I type this. My grandmother had just shared one of her most intimate moments with me. There are skeptics who say she was hallucinating, just imagined it, but those of us in Christ know different. We may mourn, but not as the world does. Though I know her day will come and I will mourn, I will be singing and praising Jesus as he welcomes her into his arms.

To Live is Christ, To die is gain!

A Woman's Dream

Okay, this is wishful thinking. Oh what I could do with something like this. Too bad it really hasn't been invented yet. One would think, since we've come so far in the technological age, this would have long been created. We can dream, can't we.

It's Not About Me

Everything is all about self. We are self-seeking, self-driven, materialistic individuals who are driven by our own passions. One thing that we all have in common is that we are searching for true happiness. We think that if we got that pay raise, bigger house, better car that we'd be alright. We can't escape it. You can't turn on your television these days without being saturated with "self".

Maybe we think that if we conform to society that all our dreams will come true. But when we get all those things, does happiness ever truly come? Does keeping up with the Jones' make up for what we are lacking. Now I'm not talking about the world. No, I'm talking about followers of Christ. I'm talking about me and others like me. Those of us who have accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior.

For a long time I was not happy. I thought if I had this or that, then everything would eventually fall into place. Even after I had accepted Christ in my life nothing had changed and this is why. All this was set in place by one instance in middle school. That day changed me.

I was in the seventh grade and in that awkward pre-teen stage. I was standing at my locker and this girl came up to me and said "Don't you have anything else to wear. You wear that same outfit seems like everyday." I gave no rebuttal. I was so hurt that all I wanted to do was run home as fast as I could, climb into bed and never face the world again. Of course throughout the rest of middle school and high school things did not come any easier for me. We've all been through the cruelty of school. I made a promise to myself that I would have everything that my heart desired. At all costs!

That one incident in middle school had marked me with a vengeance, and I never knew it. Even after accepting Christ I felt that something was missing. I wasn't living the life of liberty that I had heard preached for so long. I was spiritually dying, heck I was almost dead. Even then everything was all about me! It was about my desires, passions, and about what I wanted.

All of it is vanity. Here today, gone tomorrow. More of Jesus and less of me is the only thing that brings true happiness. Happiness can't be found in a bottle, can't be found in any materialistic thing. Being a follower of Christ is not simply showing up to church, singing the songs, listening to the preacher and going home still empty. It's only when we give up our selfish mentality and stop trying to fill the void with stuff and let Christ fill those empty places that true happiness comes. Everyone of us has an emptiness that nothing can fill but Christ. Try as we may to fill those empty places, they will never be filled unless we make the decision to decrease and Christ increase. For far too long I've made it all about me. Now all I truly desire is to be who Christ wants me to be. His passion is my passion.

Wonder Woman Syndrome

Wonder Woman was one of the first shows that captivated me as a child. I especially loved the part where she twirled around and adorned an outfit complete with a golden lasso on her side. Heck, this woman even had the invisible plane. Let's not forget super human strength. Yep, she was the epitome for women. She had the ability to save the world in one day and never even break a sweat.

Women have abilities to multi-task, something my husband can't do. I can, with a single twirl, turn into Wonder Woman. I can lasso my kids, when needed, in one rope all while cleaning, cooking, and taking care of what needs to be taken care of. At one time I was going to school full time, working full-time, wife to my husband, and taking care of 4 children. It seemed that I had the strength to take on the world. I was a woman on a mission. Thank God school ended and I quite my job, to again stay-at-home with my children.

Even then I reveled in my ability to do it all. It became a prideful thing. And we all know what happens to the prideful, God is always able to humble and bring insight. And I have found out that the longer you walk life's Journey with Christ, lessons are taught. Just like the lesson I learned this past week, and one that I am still meditating on.

When you think that you've got it all together and you can ultimately handle anything, something comes along and it shatters everything. The other day my life was filled will little irritating things. I ended up full of anger, frustration, and the feeling that I am unappreciated. That's when I felt the pressure of Wonder Woman! While frustrated and feeling the weight of being Wonder Woman, God brought a verse to mind to mediate on.

Psalm 68:19 (NKJV) "Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, The God of our Salvation!"

Now I am asking, why am I not feeling those benefits to make it through the day? What are those benefits? After discussing this with my beloved sister-in-law, Rebekah, I know what part of my problem is. I have the Wonder Woman Syndrome. I can do it all, the world says that I can do it all; however, God says you can't do it without me! I'm sure that I am not alone and this syndrome is wide spread. It is God that gives me what I need on a daily basis. Problem is I wasn't letting Him. While I'm confident that there are those who will disagree with me and maybe suggest that I've set the women's movement back about 100 years, I know different. I know that doing it all with human strength leads to pride, frustration, anger, and possibly a nervous breakdown. I'm still meditating on the word of God and allowing Him to speak to my heart, show me what those daily benefits are, and show me what's preventing. I've traded in Wonder Woman, and her golden lasso!